Sometimes I wonder if it's possible to have a vacation from life. You know what I mean... some time where you can truly sit back, relax and not think about all the millions of things that you should be doing instead of sitting on your behind doing nothing. Vic tells me all the time that I need to learn how to relax. My goodness, it takes me 3 days of vacation to actually let myself relax and be on vacation. But who can relax when there is so much going on around me? And most of it is sad! Perhaps it's not that I need a vacation from life... more than I just need something happy and uplifting to happen. Something to be excited about. Boy, this sounds depressing...

Strange how life is...

I've decided that only nice people get cancer. I can think of so many people, my mother included, who don't deserve having to fight for their life. I was at the hospital visiting a friend whose loved one is battling this horrible disease and as I was going up the elevator on my way to the oncology floor, it stopped on the mother/baby unit. It was so amazing to me how as I watched these happy, excited people get off the elevator, on their way to meet their new niece, I was about to give my friend a hug because she is about to lose her husband to cancer. So much life and death happening all around us and we are just simply there for the ride.

When someone close to you get cancer, I truly believe that you start to look at life differently. You live more for the moment and the small things really don't matter anymore. Since mom got cancer, I have found myself being more "whatever" about things that I used to be so concerned and anxious about. I don't know whether or not that is a good thing, but I know that it's what I need to do right now. Being a better person and being the best daughter, sister, wife and friend that I can be seems more important right now.

London, Baby!

After seeing the movie "Julie and Julia", I've been inspired to be more diligent with my blog. Alas, I don't have a grand mission, but I think it'll be fun to jot down some of my thoughts on a more consistent basis... regardless of whether or not anyone will really read it.

So Vic and I just returned from our trip to London last night. We were there for Ellen's wedding and I had a great time showing Vic what I do there every year I go! I love London, I feel like the city is more of an upperclass-America, with less sun and more rain. =) We spent a day in Paris, Vic's never traveled abroad so I really wanted to get the best bang for the time we had.

Some thoughts:
1. London has interested lingo:
Trash: Litter
Trash Can: Bin
Waiting in line: Waiting in the queue
Restroom: The toilet
2. The bathrooms are interesting... the toilet has a more narrow rim and you have to "boost" the shower so that you'll have enough hot water.
3. They seem more earth friendly in London. The hotel we were staying at, mind you it was pretty swanky, was very green.
4. The food seems healthier... at the grocery store, their frozen dinners seem like fresh food that was flash frozen... versus our typical hot pockets here.
5. I need to remember to look left when crossing the street...
6. The London Underground is much easier to navigate than the Washington DC metro system
7. Paris is pretty dingy... at least in the more touristy areas. Isn't as romantic as it seems, at least in my opinion.
8. SO many gypsies in the touristy areas!! Makes it hard to enjoy yourself when some shabby girl is asking you if you speak English then proceeds to show you some card with a pity story on it for money... then you see that same girl eating ice cream later in the day.
9. Maybe I'm not a huge fan of Paris because they don't speak English... no, that's not it.. I loved Italy.
10. London versus Paris versus America?? London, all the way!

Start of a New Life

Ok, so it's been forever since I last updated!

Vic and I got married on September 19th! Officially husband and wife for almost a whole month! Our wedding was beautiful and so much fun, we lucked out and got a gorgeous day!! The day is a bit of a blur, passed by in a blink of an eye, but we feel so fortunate we were able to share such an important day with the people we love most.

We went to Hawaii for our Honeymoon that following Monday. It was indescribable. We had such an amazing time! 5 days in Kauai and 5 in Maui. Island hopping is the way to go! We ate well, soaked in the Hawaiian sun, went to a couple of Luaus, went ziplining and on a helicopter tour. We didn't want to come home! The culture in Hawaii is so different from the mainland. People are more relaxed and much more friendly! It was a bit hard to believe that Hawaii is part of the United States, seems like an entirely different world.

So now we're home... back to reality... and yes.. it bites. Although I'm sad that the wedding festivities are over, I am happy about having some extra time every night to decompress after work and before bed.

Mom's been doing great. Her chemo was extended for 3 more cycles, which is a good thing I guess. New research came out from NIH reporting that 9 cycles of gemcitabine yields better results than 6, so since Mom's been handling the chemo so well, Dr. Pandya wanted to add 3 more cycles. We're going to take it month by month, letting mom dictate when enough is enough. It's a little unsettling with flu season coming up, but mom got the flu shot and was told she's not at high risk for the swine flu, so I'm hoping that she'll stay healthy through the winter.

So, been thinking a little bit more about work. Wishing that I could get into the wedding planning business. I really had a great time planning my wedding and feel that doing it for someone else would be so much more fun. It's stressful doing it for yourself. I tried to do some research, but didn't really know where to start. Would love to get into it... but how??

Other than that, I've been enjoying married life. Not really different from how it was before, but I am definitely happier. I turned 30 last week and surprisingly took it in stride.. not at all sad like I thought I would be. I think it's because for the first time, in a long time, I'm pretty content with where I am. I'm married to a wonderful man who loves me so much, mom is handling her chemo well with no sign of recurrence, have a steady job, and surrounded by great family and friends. God... please let it be smooth sailing for awhile....

Now that things have settled down a bit....

... I feel the need to update....

We feel so lucky that mom is doing so well. We've been counting our blessings every day and hoping that she continues to be strong, both emotionally and physically, to make it through this next stage. We have no reason to be anything but optimistic!

It's hard to switch back to normal mode after you've been on heightened alert for such a long time. I've been trying to get back into the swing of things, my normal routine (see previous blog), but I feel like I'm still trying to catch up. I'm still exhausted, I have no energy to workout, keep making mistakes at work, and just over-all pooped! How long does it take?

Another thing I've realized, little things just don't seem to be as important anymore....

When the Chips are Down...

I have come to conclusion that it is when the chips are down you truly see who people really are. Will they step up and step in? Will they stand in the sidelines and be an observer? Will they shy away in fear? It's strange how devastating and horrible situations bring out the best and the worst in people. I think that these are things that everyone "knows", but you don't truly realize it until you, yourself, are personally thrown into that type of situation. It makes you a stronger person.

Life...

Life is strange... one second you are going about your day normally... annoyed at the person that cut you off on your drive to work, complaining about how someone stole your favorite pen, and tired of the everyday routine. Then you're hit by a truck, a diagnosis that turns your entire life upside down. Suddenly the things you thought were so important don't matter anymore, and every day is about making sure that you cherish the things that are important and the people that are important.

This is when you're the most vulnerable, the most emotional, the time when you are tested the most. Can you step up to the plate? Be there for the ones that have always been there for you? Will you be able to look back and not regret? I sure hope I will...